Discreet Mistress vs Bad Kity

At a Glance

Two Different Kinds of Site

These two sites are easy to confuse because both use the word mistress, but they do different jobs. Bad Kity is a fetish directory for professional mistresses and session wrestlers. Its logo carries the line Independent Professional Mistresses, its pages invite professionals to advertise with it, and its about page says it was founded by Sara Lips, a wrestling dominatrix from Ireland. In other words, it is a place where professionals advertise themselves.

Discreet Mistress is a dating site. The women here are independent in the personal sense: they enjoy a dominant role in their own private lives and decide whom they want to meet. Nobody is advertising a service, and our community guidelines forbid offering or asking for money, gifts or tributes between members. A connection starts with two profiles and a conversation, and goes only as far as both people agree.

What Independent Mistress Means on Each Site

On a professional directory, independent usually means a professional who works for herself rather than through a studio. On Discreet Mistress, an independent mistress is simply a woman with her own life, tastes and limits who is looking for a compatible man.

That difference matters in how you write to someone. If you approach a woman on a dating site as though she were a professional, with a list of requests, you will be ignored or blocked. Read her profile, ask what she is looking for, and accept her answer. Our explanation of domme, dominatrix and mistress covers how women use each word.

Who Runs Each Site

Bad Kity is an independent directory. Its pages carry its own branding and advertising, including banners for clip and chat sites, and it runs on its own platform rather than on any dating network. It has no connection to HubPeople or to Discreet Mistress.

Discreet Mistress is part of the HubPeople dating network, which provides its account tools, billing and support. Across the network there are 4.1 million members, with an average member rating of 4.6 out of 5. Those figures describe the whole network, not this site alone.

How Each Site Is Organized

Bad Kity is organized like a catalog. Its menus list Top Kitys, New Kitys, all listings, Tours, Updated Profiles and a Blog, with advertisers from many countries, among them the United States, the United Kingdom, Canada, Germany, Latvia, Colombia and the Czech Republic. Some profiles show a count of reviews.

Discreet Mistress is organized around people meeting each other. You set your town or city, look through dominant women in your area and receive daily match suggestions. VIP adds advanced search filters and removes the daily message limit. Our local guides cover 28 cities across seven countries, with notes on public transport, late travel and quiet, public places for a first date.

How Contact Works

On Discreet Mistress, contact starts with a message to her profile. A standard profile can send a limited number of messages each day and can read and reply to messages from VIP members. VIP removes the daily limit. A woman decides whom she answers, and can block or report anyone instantly. If a conversation goes well, you keep talking on the site until you trust each other, agree limits, a safeword and privacy, and then meet somewhere public. Our first-meeting safety plan sets out each step.

The first message that works best on a dating site is short and specific: one detail from her profile, one honest line about you, and a question she can answer. It never opens with a demand, a fantasy or a photo. Our guide to the first message to a dominant woman has examples.

Privacy

Discreet Mistress members use usernames, other members see only your nearest town or city, and email addresses are never shown. Members can complete ID verification, which adds a blue tick to the profile. Card statements show a discreet billing name, and human support is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. The site works in any browser with no app to install.

Bad Kity shows an 18-plus age gate before visitors can enter, and its pages carry advertising for other adult sites, so think about what your browser history and cookies will show if you share a device.

Whatever site you use, keep your real name, workplace and home address back until you trust someone, and never send money to any member. Our privacy guide explains how to keep your search private.

Before You Contact Anyone

Whichever kind of site you use, read the person's profile in full before you write, and follow any instructions she gives. On a professional directory, each advertiser sets out her own terms, and those terms are hers to decide. On Discreet Mistress, there are no terms to accept and no services on offer: a woman simply decides whether she would like to talk to you. In both cases, respect a no the first time you hear it.

Which One Suits You

If you are looking for a professional who advertises her work, a directory such as Bad Kity is where professionals list themselves, and you should follow that site's own rules. If you want to date a dominant woman who has chosen you as much as you have chosen her, Discreet Mistress is built for that. Start with our guide to finding a local mistress, or read the other comparisons.

Frequently asked questions